Where is next door?

A man walks into the shop and asks about the daily paper. I do my best to explain to him that they come in the afternoon but couldn't give him a definitive time of there arrival.

Then he wants to know about where he can get something to eat, he asked about the bowling club, he appeared to already know where that was, so I told him that there was a take-away shop next door and pointed to my left.

His response, "oh the one on the other side of the intersection," um, no. No I said it is just next door, and again indicated to the wall with which the shop was on the other side of. "oh, so on this side of the post office?" No mate, it is literally NEXT door!... No I said, you just go out of this door, turn left and walk in to the next door you come across and it is right there.

"Oh" he says again, "I must have walked straight past it."

Bright.

Made with love

Yesterday George and I decided we would like a hamburger so we thought we would support our tenants and buy one from there. It turns out that on this day, our previous tenant was working for our current one.

Now I had a bit of a run in with her the previous day when she came in to buy her medication, I asked her something about a lay-by which I thought she still had here, not hounding her about it, just seeing if she was aware that it was still here.

Turns out it wasn't hers, a little mis-understanding, I hadn't actually checked the system before asking her, and she had collected her lay-by just the other day from George, well, she went on about it and was getting really concerned, even though I had already said that it was my mistake and had apologised, she kept going on about it, not twice or three times but probably about six times saying that it definitely wasn't hers.

Even George noticed her reaction was completely over the top, I was starting to feel really uncomfortable and tried to get it through to her that I was sorry, I had made a mistake, I didn't mean to upset her. It was borderline paranoia the way she was carrying on.

Our relationship with this woman has been interesting over the time we have been here, it was all gush and stuff when they were our tenants, then when they sold their business and left the premises she became very cold, and even a little withdrawn.

So I was a little anxious when George came back in after ordering our lunch to tell me that she was going to be cooking it, I joked with him that she would spit in my burger, even though she would never do such a thing, I was starting to think that maybe anything could be possible, the family is a little unhinged.

She was nice enough to bring our burgers in to us, I thanked her and passed George his and sat down to eat mine. On the wrappers she had written the type of burger, and underneath that was written "I love you."

I paused looked at George, he looked at his, and we both thought it was a little strange, not what you would expect as part of the order. I have never received a love note on my lunch before and I doubt that I will ever again.

Winter Clean

Today I found the motivation somewhere to do a 'winter' clean, I avoid cleaning the shop most of the time because it gets so ridiculously dirty in the most unbelievable amount of time.

Especially if it has rained.

I used to think that Georges parents were a little slack in the cleaning department when we first came here, not a topic I will linger on, however I have come to realise that for the most part this wasn't the case.

I can sweep the floor/dust the shelves and within a week it looks as if I haven't done anything for at least 6 months! No exaggeration.

"Clean country living" is a myth, in my opinion, considering I was told that I got asthma since I moved here, never before in my life have I had respiratory problems, and I was given a puffer!

Living on a highway, even in the middle of no where, the trucks bring the dust through town, and they don't always slow down, so it comes flying in through any little nook or cranny it can find!

The dust is unlike anything you have ever experienced before, it is so fine and powdery and the quantity is quite extraordinary.

So today I dusted, swept and vacuumed, the transformation is great! It is so nice to be in a cleaner environment, it gets to the point where you don't realise the filth you live in until it is cleaned, it must be like getting fat, a gradual experience and you don't notice until it's a little out of control.

I live in hope of trying to keep on top of things once a week, I know that more than likely, this is in vain. I have designated Tuesday mornings to this task.

We plan on sweeping and mopping on Saturday...

The problem is that some of our customers live on farms and get mud on their boots and tromp it all through the shop, some attempt to stomp it off on the footpath or wipe off big clumps on the mat at the entrance, which then gets walked in by others. It is unavoidable really.

It would be amusing but highly ineffective to ask people to take their shoes off at the door!

Even without muddy boots the dirt is unavoidable, in such a dry, flat, barren environment the dust will take a rest wherever it can from flying aimlessly through the air.

Dellaren is an ugly town, it is dirty not only is reality but it looks dirty as well, it lacks presentation, driving through, there is nothing at all to make you stop, unless desperate, or if you knew someone there, you simply wouldn't.

It is scrub country, and flat for as far as you can see, the horizon is only blocked by trees or buildings, there are no hills or mountains. And brown, everything is a dirty shade of brown, even the green seems brown...

I had to chuckle to myself one day, walking down the street to be passed by tumble weed making its way down the road. It was a quiet day in town which was even more fitting, like in the movies of a ghost town, buildings boarded up, barely a soul to be seen and a piece of tumble weed precariously blowing down the street.

It is reality here, boarded up and burnt down buildings included. If you see a trickle of liquid making its way down the footpath, it is more than likely from someone relieving themselves on the side of a building than a spilt drink.

On the upside, it is relatively safe, you would be better off stopping here than in Gullet or Dead Mans Gully, as long as you don't stay past sunset, unless you don't value your possessions, as in your car or your house/buildings.

It is not malice that drives most of these attacks, but simply drugs and alcohol. And the effects that these have on people.

So a little cleanliness can go a long way...

Customer's' of the Day

One man poking his head through the door to the shop:

"Where's the paper shop?"

Having a chronic gambling problem and having to use your Mastercard to buy the Sunday paper for $1.80:

Priceless

One of our favourite "grandsons" who just got his licence recently likes to make quite a spectacle of himself, this time taking off spinning his wheels, spitting up rocks in the street, smoke billowing out the exhaust pipe, speeding up for an intersection, rather than slowing down, the smell of burning rubber lingering long after he has gone.

It is only a matter of time.

Cold Sunshine

Dellaren is a town of extremities both with the people and the weather, the summers are scotching hot and the winters bitterly cold. There only seems to be only two seasons with only a slight graduation between them, some people would argue differently however and say that winter only lasts a few short weeks.

In the summer time it is hot and dry, being out in the middle of no where, they don't get the humidity that you find closer to the coast. The days can get up to 45 degrees Celsius, with little relief during the nights.

In the shop on these days all we have to battle the temperature is the big old double brick building and an ancient fan which has probably been there since 1938 when the building was constructed, it is surprising how good a job it does, when all else fails we can at least go out and jump into the pool out the back.

Now it is winter and it is bitterly cold, the nights here have been getting down to about -5 degrees with the days warming up slightly, inside the shop the building holds a constant temperature between 10 and 12 degrees, all day, everyday.

We don't bother heating it as it would be quite a task to accomplish, with 13ft ceilings and plenty of cracks in the walls, most we have managed to fill, old style air vents and an open door which the wind blows in.

So my only defence is layers, lots and lots of layers, I look like the michelin man! If someone pushed me over I would either bounce straight back up again or need someone to pick me up!

I get a lot of comments about the weather, I understand that for the most part it is a topic of conversation, I use it all the time to try and strike a conversation, most of the time it seems that our customers just say it for the sake of making a noise, with no desire to actually have a chat, or they are taking the piss out of me, because I am not from here, and obviously it doesn't get cold anywhere else in the world.

So while I cannot hide out in hibernation, I make the most of it and try to enjoy what I can. Ignoring the fact that while the sun shines in Dellaren, it is not cold. Apparently.

Everything

I will try to remember a few pearlers to put in. Not a day goes by when somebody hasn't said or done something completely ridiculous.
I think it was on a Sunday morning I was in the shop on my own while George had gone to do something, I was serving Veronica while I had another guy waiting, when Colin decided to make an entrance. He tripped on the step then missed the window trying to catch himself on the way down and went a over t in his olive green track suit and masseurs (shoes).
Trying to refrain myself from laughing out loud we all asked if he was alright, after Veronica let out a little squeal, he made quite a noise going down and I think he frightened her a little. Once she was satisfied he was OK she left and so did the other gentleman (who hardly ever speaks and when he does it so soft and mumbled you have to listen very carefully).
Colin collected his paper and said something about dropping by, I made a bit of a joke about making a new meaning of dropping in!
I was secretly trying to lighten the whole situation as this guy is a complete wanker and I wouldn't have been surprised if I'd been served with a law suit later in the week, luckily so far nothing has come of it, even though he tripped over himself I wouldn't put it past him to pull a stunt. It was very funny, it made my day, and even still makes me chuckle to myself when I think about it.
Sid aka Shitcan, the Pakistani man who owns the supermarket is a real piece of work, today he had the hide to tell me that I should tell my husband to be more friendly. Shitcan has never stepped one foot inside our shop, he has never bought anything from us, even through his lakies, yesterday he sent someone down to purchase a mobile phone for one of the workers he has caring for his wife. The stupid girl had come in the day before and was giving George a hard time, she couldn't buy $10 worth of credit for her phone, because it physically isn't possible, so she buys a $30 SIM card instead, how this makes sense is beyond me, but that's what she wanted so that's what George sold to her.
Later that evening Charmaine, one of Shitcans employees comes down with the little book that comes with the new SIM card, which explains step by step what to do to activate your SIM card, "oh George can you help us, we don't know what to do."
George opens the book and shows her that it is all written out, she felt a bit stupid. George was a bit impatient with her due to the headache that he had been given from the girl earlier on.
Then they came in the next day to buy a mobile phone but first they wanted to know what kinds of phones we sold and if they would work here in Dellaren, I am shocked at how many times we are asked this question, why the hell would we sell phones that don't work!
I explained what we had so she could go back and tell them, so they could tell her what to come back and buy, extremely stupid, if you want something just come and get it yourself!
So later on Shitcan sends down Kathy Puke and she waffles on with all the bullshit in world, she is rude to us but thinks she is sweet as pie, so George is rude to her, she is a piece of shit, so I don't mind, she always comes in and accuses us of stealing their magazines, she works for Shitcan who a few years ago decided to go up against Georges parents and sell magazines, sometimes the magazines go missing in transit, it happens to us all the time, she thinks we steal them off the delivery truck and hide them, childish.
She buys the phone and takes it back, then when I go into Shitcans to buy something today, he says that to me, George has to do all he can to refrain himself from going down there giving him a piece of his mind and punching him in the face.
Then when i get to the doctors surgery I have to take his wife's blood pressure and she asks me how business is to which I coldly reply that it is fine, when I really want to yell at her none of you f*ing business!
It constantly amazes me how rude these people are and how they have absolutely no concept of what is appropriate.

Lesbians

A patient came into the surgery today, while I was taking her blood pressure she proceeded to tell me that she had been sitting at home watching Oprah. I just smiled and thought to myself how interesting her life is, this patient a few months ago was very upset about having an appointment late in the afternoon because she would miss her TV show, Deal or No Deal.
She continued to say that toady's topic on Oprah was about a Lesbian! She paused after saying this word as it must be very foreign to her, continuing on she said that this woman had just broken up with her partner of six years, then she looked at the time and it was 1:30 and she though "oh I better get up to the doctors" she was so engrossed that she nearly missed her appointment! Small towns, small minds.